Normalcy isn't really my thing. When I was younger I would do anything I could to be normal, and I failed over and over again. I didn't look like the other kids, I didn't talk like the other kids, and I simply didn't think like the other kids. I was always imagining alternate dimensions or placing myself in the realities of my favorite fictional characters. I realized that I wasn't meant to be normal. I was meant to be me. I was meant to become my own character, write my own story, "protagonise" myself. Then, something happened to get in my way, my great antagonist, sin.
I may get into the gritty details of my sin struggles in another post on a day where I feel stronger, but this isn't about that. This isn't about "poor me I struggle." This is about the reality of my last name, and its relevance in my daily life.
If you grew up in church, you know the story of Cain and Able.
Genesis 4:1-16(ESV)
4 Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain, saying, “I have gotten a man with the help of the Lord.” 2 And again, she bore his brother Abel. Now Abel was a keeper of sheep, and Cain a worker of the ground. 3 In the course of time Cain brought to the Lord an offering of the fruit of the ground, 4 and Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions. And the Lord had regard for Abel and his offering, 5 but for Cain and his offering he had no regard. So Cain was very angry, and his face fell. 6 The Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? 7 If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.”8 Cain spoke to Abel his brother.And when they were in the field, Cain rose up against his brother Abel and killed him. 9 Then the Lord said to Cain, “Where is Abel your brother?” He said, “I do not know; am I my brother's keeper?” 10 And the Lord said, “What have you done? The voice of your brother's blood is crying to me from the ground. 11 And now you are cursed from the ground, which has opened its mouth to receive your brother's blood from your hand. 12 When you work the ground, it shall no longer yield to you its strength. You shall be a fugitive and a wanderer on the earth.” 13 Cain said to the Lord, “My punishment is greater than I can bear. 14 Behold, you have driven me today away from the ground, and from your face I shall be hidden. I shall be a fugitive and a wanderer on the earth, and whoever finds me will kill me.” 15 Then the Lord said to him, “Not so! If anyone kills Cain, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold.” And the Lord put a mark on Cain, lest any who found him should attack him.
I often make the joke that my namesake is the first murderer in history, but there is no humor in this name, only too much reality. I am a sinner just like he is, but the difference between our situations is the sacrificial lamb whose name is Jesus. Cain's downfall was his need to compare himself with his brother. We don't get to see inside Cain's brain here, but how disappointed must he have been with himself? His inability to please the Father because of sin was prevalent and led to pain and desolation and the guilt of murdering his own blood. That is the last we hear of Cain. His sin separated him from the glory of God and that should be our fate as well. I didn't kill my brother, but all sin is abhorrent to the Father. All sin should separate us from Him entirely, but God isn't fair. God is love. God loves us so much that He sent the only perfect man, the only person we should want to be, and gave Him a thieves' death to spend eternity with us.
I sin daily.
I deserve complete separation from God daily.
But, I've been set free, bought with blood of a sacrificial lamb far greater than Able's.
For I have a God who is able-
to sacrifice perfection in exchange for stained sinners who crave a "something more"
to become more than a prophet by defeating death
to love me even when I don't love myself
Able to do all of this and immeasurably more, for a girl with the same stains as Cain, and show her all of this through her own last name.
Sorry for all of the rhyming, poetry's my jam.
I chose the name "Able&Cain" for this blog for three main reasons;
1. It looks really rad
2. Cain and Able is a biblical story and gets across to any reader that everything, no matter how mundane will point back to Jesus
And
3.to humble myself
This blog is an exercise in my transparency skills. I'm gong to write about what I know is true and how I feel and I don't want any of that to be staged. I want a place where I can express the reality of Christian struggles and rejoice in the glory of God throughout all of it. If that's something you'd find refreshing or intriguing, awesome. If you think this is the worst blog you've ever read and I should throw myself off a cliff, I mean that's you're opinion and if you comment that I will certainly cry a lot, but Jesus still loves you, and so will I once I recover from the wound your words left in my heart.
On a more serious note,
You are worthy of life. You are beautiful. You are loved.
See ya next week,
Haley Cain
